Women Are Just as Guilty of Escalating Arguments as Men

Women are just as guilty of escalating arguments as men are.

On a previous blog we talked about what men should never do when in argument and that you should do active listening and use empathy and a willingness to understand each other's perspective. You can read here: https://maturingteen.com/blogs/news/what-men-should-never-do-when-in-an-argument

This doesn't only pertain to men. This goes both ways believe it or not!

Here are some common ways that women escalate an argument:

• Raising your voice with emotion: Try to resist the temptation of being accusing, mocking, or sarcastic.
• Using rhetorical questions: Avoid asking questions like: "How could you say something like that?" Try to express what you do like and accept. For example: "I understand and agree with that, but..."
• Making generalized complaints: Saying things like: "We never spend time together," or "You're not doing the things that you said you would do," are not specific enough for men. In general, men do not respond to the abstract as well as the specific. Give examples of what he has done if you want to be heard. Give direction with comments such as: "Let's plan a date to go out this week."
• Bringing up old issues: Don't muddy the waters with past arguments and points of disagreement. Stay with the issue you are dealing with at the moment; otherwise, you run the risk of having your partner turning off his hearing altogether.
• Comparing him to another man or how he acted in the past: Never compare him to another man unless you want the fight to escalate quickly. Even more, confusing for him are comments like: "You used to be so much more affectionate." Instead, make a positive statement, and give him a model of behavior you want him to follow. For example: "I love it when you....".
• Expecting him to make you feel good: Women need to take the responsibility to feel good on their own — especially after a fight or argument. Do not say things like: "Well, that doesn't make me feel any better." Try instead to say: "I think I'll take some time for myself and go play some tennis or do some shopping or take a walk.". Using this kind of language will just flare up what you just stopped. 

Men and women both make incorrect assumptions when they're upset, often leaving both partners feeling misunderstood.

Being aware of what each other may try to do in an argument will help bypass unnecessary drama. Remember, thriving in love doesn't have to be complicated. Just keep learning and taking small steps.