Secret to Being Happy

Did everyone ever talk about happiness?

People say all the time, "What's the secret to being happy?" I've got a unique theory on happiness, and it goes as follows:

I'm not a physicist, but I remember from my physics classes that there's not really such a thing as cold. Cold is just a lack of heat. Heat can be observed scientifically; atoms move, things jitter, and heat is generated. But cold isn't a thing—it's just a lack of heat.

From that perspective, when people ask me how to be happy, I try to explain to them that happiness isn't a thing in itself. In my view, happiness is just a lack of grief, just as cold is a lack of heat. When I say this, people look at me like I'm crazy. But here's the reality:

We're not children anymore. We're grown-ups with responsibilities, stresses, and things on our shoulders. When you say you want to be happy, you're often imagining the carefree happiness you felt as a child. That kind of happiness isn't realistic for adults unless you somehow become a billionaire, and even then, it's complicated.

The Reality of Adult Happiness

As grown-ups, we're never going to have a life as carefree as when we were children. The happiness you felt as a child is just that—childish happiness. Adult happiness is different. It's about a lack of grief.

People often say, "But I'm sad." You ain't sad. Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you—your entire family dies in a car crash. If that hasn't happened to you today, then you're happy because you're not grief-stricken. You're not breaking down in tears or in a state where you can't imagine life going on. If you don't feel that way, you're happy. You're just not as happy as you imagined yourself to be as a kid.

Happiness is a Sliding Scale

Happiness, like everything else in life, is a sliding scale. You're trying to attain a level of happiness that you're only going to feel two or three times in your adult life. I've found the girl of my life, and each time we have a date, I feel that childish happiness. When I bought my first sports car, I felt that happiness. But in general, besides key events, you're not going to feel that happy every day. It's abnormal to feel that way every day.

People take antidepressants and talk about depression because they're trying to find a level of happiness that isn't sustainable every day. If you're not grief-stricken and you're not in a state of mind where you can't go forward, then you're happy. Happiness is subjective and down to your perception.

Perception of Happiness

There's an interesting thing on YouTube about colors and a tribe in Africa that views colors differently from us. To them, two very similar shades of blue are as distinct as black and white. It's the same with happiness. How you perceive things is how they end up affecting you. If you view yourself as unhappy, you're unhappy. If you view yourself as happy and understand that you're not grief-stricken, then you're happy.

Happiness for adults means extending your boundaries and understanding that anything above grief is happiness. You need to decide to be happy. If today, none of your family members have died, both your arms and legs are intact, and you're not in severe distress, then you should consider yourself happy.

The key to being happy is to decide you're happy. It's about perception and setting realistic boundaries for happiness. If you constantly compare your adult happiness to the carefree joy of childhood, you'll always feel dissatisfied. Understand that adult happiness is about the absence of grief and appreciating what you have. Make the conscious decision to be happy, and you will be.